It's Okay! Dogs Love Me! What To Do When Others Derail Your Training.

One of the things I discuss with clients is how to do or not do, appropriate greetings with people, especially with a new pup and adolescent dog.

The biggest struggle I come across is a client who is willing to do the work but is dealing with friends, family members, and strangers trying to sabotage or unwilling to do as asked because they disagree.

Most of us have been taught and try to be polite in our daily interactions. We try not to be rude to people we interact with.

 When learning a new skill, we defer to those we think or appear to have more experience or knowledge, regardless of credentials.
When it comes to dog training, this, unfortunately, includes anyone who has ever lived with a dog, knows someone who had a dog, watched a television show about dogs, read a book or saw a movie with a dog in it…….you get the idea.

It’s not easy to stand your ground with information you yourself are learning, against someone who comes across as knowing more: like your uncle or brother or the person you just met on a walk.

A common refrain is “Oh but I love dogs and they love me!”
That may be so, but it still doesn’t mean they can touch your dog just because it makes them feel better.

 Add to that, not wanting to be rude and say, “No, you cannot pat my dog”, you end up with a dog not learning what you want him to learn but practicing the exact behaviour you are trying to change.

There are ways to get around this but you do have to be prepared to stand up for yourself.
More importantly, you have to stand up for your dog, as he is the one who will suffer the consequences of bad behaviour getting worse. The more he gets to practice it the stronger it becomes. The bigger the problem down the road.

It’s tough because those who love dogs want to interact with every dog they meet.

I do not allow people to pat my dog unless my dog is okay with it.  Most of the time he’s not okay with it. The only time I allow anyone to interact with my dog is if he goes right up to him or her with very loose, wiggly butt and happy feet.
It’s always his decision to interact or not.

It’s unfortunate that many people believe dogs are public property and should be accepting of touching from anyone or being touched in general when they don’t want to be.

I get calls about dogs growling or snapping at someone who approached to pat the dog when he was sleeping. When questioned about the circumstance it often boils down to the person simply wanted to pat the dog; which would be fine, if the dog was awake. 

I’ve said this many times before. Consent matters.

So can you be polite and tell people, “No, you cannot pat my dog”? Most people are savvy about asking.

There are two responses I tend to give, depending on circumstances.

 ·      “Thanks for asking but he doesn’t always like to be patted”.

·      “Thanks for asking but I am training right now. Maybe next time”.

What I do, if I choose to stop and chat for a few moments, is to feed my dog as I am chatting, while keeping a safe distance.
Sometimes while I am feeding I get asked, “Can I give him a treat”? I have one response to that and it is always:

 ·      “Thanks for asking but no, and I’ll tell you why”.

I will explain that my feeding him is working on making a positive association with strangers so he learns good stuff happens when people are present and we are far enough away he doesn’t feel threatened.

The stranger offering food is different because he may want the food badly enough to stretch forward to get it then back away really fast once he gets it. Proximity matters.

Add to that, most people interpret the dog moving towards them as permission to reach out to touch the dog because he came close.

There are ways to be polite and still say no. Play around with some phrases you are comfortable saying. I have never met a person who has questioned me when I say “I am training right now. Maybe next time”.

Know you are not being rude in guiding his interactions. You are doing the right thing to help your dog learn the skills he needs and you are keeping him safe until he gets more confident.